Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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