I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
