dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
