lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
