have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
