it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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