check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
