Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
