WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Randomize
