I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
