u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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