Define "chronic" masturbator.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
