I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
