What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
