I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
