where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
