ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
