oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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