Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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