you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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