We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
