I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
