i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Pooping to opera.
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