So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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