Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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