Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
