So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
