I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
