Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
