U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
