So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
