if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
