he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the day after is always just damage control
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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