I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
