How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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