No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
