I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Semen is not good for contacts.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
