I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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