what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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