she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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