woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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