don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
