From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
40s are totally the cure
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
