What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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