We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
