she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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