Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
