remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Randomize
