You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We need to get me chipped asap
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
