I'm lost and stupid without you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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