i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's never too late to be topless.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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