i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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