he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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