Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
